Bloody Burberry

you take advantage of me too much. you think you can go ahead and say whatever you want with the...

Mon, 03 Dec 2012 14:40:42 +1100

you take advantage of me too much. you think you can go ahead and say whatever you want with the expectation that i will come running back to you. i’m not going to lie, i would have. but now i really don’t know if i want to. i’ve felt this whole time that if i wasn’t with you i would have nothing. i saw you almost every day for months and i just couldn’t imagine what i would do if you weren’t there for me. i put way too much trust in you and you lost it all. i so desperately want to tell you to leave me alone forever but i just can’t bring myself to do it. it’s become normal to be with you and it’s so hard to imagine not seeing you again or just looking around and tearing up because almost everything reminds me of you. and i think its fucking stupid to throw away what we have because it’s so hard to get.

you’re not perfect either lukas. i want you to change too. firstly by apologising to liam. i heard about the message and it wasn’t fair at all. it’s none of my business what goes on between you and your friends but i know that it’s not fair to do that to someone on their birthday. by sending a message like that you lose everyones respect and then you’re going to wonder why people are so ambivalent towards seeing you. stop being a hypocrite because you also need to grow up. that’s primary school shit, if he ruined your friendship then fuck him. you don’t have to speak to him again, just forget about it. he’s clearly not worth the time. cut down on the smoking, it makes you so angry. i know it’s easier said than done but it will be so much better for you and everyone if you do. think more about how you speak to me and your friends too. i’m not easily upset, despite what you might think, but when you’re frequently putting me down and trying to pass it off as a joke or something i just can’t help it. things like that just hurt so much. i know sometimes you’re trying to help, but telling me i’m a shit person and my life is a fuck up isn’t going to do anything but hurt me.

nobody changes overnight. you can’t expect that in 2 days i’m going to be this new person. if you want change, then give me space. if i’m constantly with you or speaking to you then i won’t think about it. my mum never actually got me tickets to byron. she was waiting until the last minute to get them because she didn’t know if i would actually want to go when the time came. i’m glad she didn’t because i’m hoping that after the 2 weeks you’re gone we can both see each other and be better people. if you can stay loyal to me the whole time and give me the space we both need so that i can get my life on track and stop relying on you so much then i’m willing to try again.

i’m not going to hayden’s tonight. it’s his birthday and you’re his best friend, you should be there for him rather than ruining his night with this. i’ll see you wednesday to say bye and spend the day for our 8 months. we don’t have to stop speaking completely but i’d rather not speak every second of every day. don’t get mad in your reply if you decide to. i also want to get over this and nothing is going to move forward if you blow up again. i don’t want to talk about this any more. we both know what we need to do and i’m sure 3 weeks is enough time to because despite what you said in your text, this is worth it.

i loved you since the first day i said it and meant it, but i never knew how much. i know you say...

Sat, 01 Dec 2012 00:02:18 +1100

i loved you since the first day i said it and meant it, but i never knew how much. i know you say that you love and care for me so much more than i do for you and i sort of believed it was true. but i know now that there is no way. i thought that after you cracked the shits at me and left my house today that it would be the same as every other time, maybe you would even dump me for it. but i just couldn’t bring myself to stop you. i thought it may have been that i was just sick of you, maybe i even pushed it and wanted it to happen. but as soon as i went upstairs and heard you leave i completely broke down and ran after you. because at that moment i knew there was nothing i wanted more than to show you how much i love you and want you to just be happy and perfect and mine again.

i know i’ve had so many chances to fix up whatever i’m doing wrong and i know that any other person, unlike you, would have just left ages ago. whenever i do something wrong i try to make it better with you then straight away go and do something to forget about it. i was going to before. when i got home after you sent your last message i called as many people as i could and made plans. but after reading it again i know what you’re talking about. you’re right, i don’t actually think about it. as soon as i know everything is alright i forget how great it felt that you gave me a chance when i probably shouldn’t have had one and you made me understand what i had done which nobody else has ever been able to do before. but tonight i’m staying at home which is the first time in a while i haven’t harassed you until you tell me it’s okay then go out. now i have to think about it and i have to remember it. which sucks but i know that i have to suffer through my bullshit if i’m going to make you happy again.

fuck lukas i love you so much. if i could get rid of everything unnecessary then maybe you would understand how much. it’s like, seeing you is being safe because you have a way of making everything better or making things seem so insignificant compared to the rest of the world, but now this seems bigger than the world because you’re not here to tell me it’s not important. you make me so angry when you tell me off for being scared or not wanting to do things but you’re almost always right, then there are countless times when you have made me feel like the happiest person in the world. i hate how you have this insane control over me, you could travel to the other side of the world and still have me coming after you, no matter what you do wrong i’ll always forgive you just so i can cuddle with you and have you kiss my head because there is nothing i can think of that would make me feel more calm and happy. i remember one time we had a fight and you told me that you don’t want a girlfriend but you need one and i said i don’t want or need one or something along that. but i do need you and i would never forgive myself if i lost you to something like this.

this is the last time. i’m not saying that just to get in your good books again or make you happy so i can sleep in peace. this isn’t just so i don’t get in trouble with you either. i’m pushing people away that i really can’t afford to, all because i’m so fucking angry and upset so often. i’m sorry you get so much of it. you spend so much time around me, i need to let it out and you’re the only one close enough that i think it will be okay. i let you do it to me. i know you don’t need to as often but even though it upsets me i let you do it because i think you will be the same for me in return. i feel like i’ve pushed it too much so i’m not going to do it any more.

this isn’t about treating people better. it’s about appreciating everything more. it’s always seemed like people just come and go as they please and no matter how close or important someone may seem they will always end up leaving and in the end didn’t seem so worthwhile after all. i take too much for granted. my parents have always stuck around so i’ve just taken advantage of it. same with you. i hate that it takes me so long to see things and that i forget how much better i feel after i promise you and myself that i won’t ever do it again. it’s even worse that you had to do it in my house for me to actually take full responsibility for it and realise that it’s not going to just go away. it’s happened here. my parents are involved and i can’t escape it now.

i really feel like i will never see or speak to you again. i know it’s not true. i know eventually we will because we’re better than that. but fuck, i never knew that i could ever feel like this. it’s like every other time i have said i’ve never felt so shit all gathered up and multiplied by 10. all i want to do is see you right now and know it’s all okay and forget and continue. but that would just put me back to the start and fuck it hurts so bad knowing that i have no way out of it this time.

that aside, telling me that if you were my parents you would wish nearly every day you never had me is probably one of the most disgusting harsh things anyone has ever said to me, and i have ever heard said to anyone else. i wish i could justify it with what i did and say i deserved it, but nothing could, ever. at least now i know what you really think. you are not perfect, you make mistakes just as i do. what seems like something tiny and insignificant to you is the opposite to me as is what i do to you. i finally get that you’re not going to stick around through whatever i say / do. but unless you want to get rid of me by making me feel like a worthless piece of shit that would be better off dead, don’t say anything like that again.

you can’t go around thinking you’re better than everyone else, thinking that anything you say won’t have any consequences and anyone that takes you seriously is just retarded. you have said stuff like that so often and told me i’m stupid for listening. but when you do it so often, it makes people not want to be around you. you get so angry. like today. i get i was being immature but you didn’t have to go run off and say possibly the worst thing you could have at that time. probably ever. who knows what you have said to other people. you need to know when you’re joking and when you’re crossing the line.

this is all i’m going to say from now until whenever both of us have calmed down. i don’t want a reply. i don’t want you to get angry at me. if you’re going to put me down or tell me again how shit and worthless and stupid and immature i am then wait a bit unless you really don’t want me around anymore. i get it. i really do fucking get it. i’m not forgetting it. i’m not pushing this any more and i’m also not going to take any more. i know you’ve probably been expecting a message and have thought of lots of shit you want to say. you’ve said all you need to tonight so unless it’s positive and isn’t going to send me into some insane pms rampage please don’t type it. no reply is even better. more convenient for you. i’m really just so scared of what you could say to me, i want to trust you to know when enough is enough, but i really think you’re going to blow up again. even though i wanted this for better. how come hayden said i was with you guys tonight? i love you. sorry about the length.

lukas, i know i’m not perfect and i have fucked up on so many occasions, but it’s time...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 20:53:13 +1100

lukas, i know i’m not perfect and i have fucked up on so many occasions, but it’s time you understood exactly what you’re doing to me.

you started off being everything i could ever dream of. you thought i was the greatest person ever, you bought me easter eggs and hid them around my house when my parents went away, you made me run outside only for you to say all you wanted to do was kiss me in the rain, you told me how much you love me all the time, you made me feel like i was the queen. like because i had you i could do anything i wanted because you made me feel so amazing.

slowly, you started to change. i remember you saying so many things that to you are jokes, but to me just made me feel like i shouldn’t be trusting you. i remember with your ex or whatever she was. sitting in a bar and you told me that she was hotter than me but i was less crazy. and i let you get away with it. which was the biggest mistake i ever made. because then and there, when you dragged it out for 3 days telling me how she was better than me and trying to justify it just took back every little thing you had ever said and done before. i felt worthless. like they were just words and i was stupid enough to listen to you.

soon after the insults came. you thought because i loved you and you had said it, that you could just say whatever wanted. you thought that if you drove me a couple of places that it would make up for every bad word you had said to me. when you would embarrass me and upset me, you would get angry at me for being immature. its like, i can’t be upset around you. i have to constantly be happy and assume every bad thing you ever say is a joke.

remember when we went to a club and you kissed that girl?

remember when you called me fat multiple times?

how about an hour ago when you told me that if you were my parents you would wish nearly every day that you never had me?

remember the times you have been upset, and i’ve come and done everything possible to cheer you up? even when it was me that upset you, i would always try to make it better. yet when you upset me, you always find a reason why it should be my own fault and i’m too scared of losing you to argue back. and i think you know that there’s no easy way to lose me so you say what you want.

you went crazy when i told you i didn’t trust you. but every time i ask you a question like “were you good last night” you blow up and get so mad at me, when you’re the one that started asking it and if i had the same reaction you would straight away jump to the conclusion i’m cheating on you.

there are so many times when you have physically hurt me too. whether or not i ask for it or annoy you, thats no reason to hit me. if i embarrass you, hitting me is no way to fix it. you just embarrass both of us. yelling at me in front of my parents, thinking you’re always the one in the right. well done, now you have prevented us from ever seeing each other again.

all i ever wanted was a boy i could see two or three times a week. who would love me and only want me. i wanted someone that understood i have friends and want to see them, and someone that genuinely cared about me.

last thing i’m going to say.

you have driven me to this. this is your fault. i wish i could say i still loved you but all i have left now is hate. tonight has been the worst night of my life. for too long now i have put up with you treating me like shit, making me feel worthless, like if i don’t have you i’ll have nobody. i have given you everything i have. the worst thing i have ever done. i gave you all my trust, my love, my life. i don’t know why i thought it would be such a spectacular idea. all i can think of now is how much i fucked up trying to make you happy and how much happier i would be if i had never met you.

you are a shit person. you treat everyone around you like shit. you think that everyone will bow down to you and kiss your ass because you’re a “sick cunt” and because you’re “fucking sexy”. you have nobody now that you don’t have me. your friends don’t want to be around you because you’re so fucking angry. you make everyone hate being around you. that’s why you lose everyone. you told me this and i looked over your anger because i wanted to know you. not who everyone else sees.

i finally gave you all my trust and you straight away turn around and do this to me. you have broken my heart more than i could ever have imagined it could break. but you have taught me a lot. never trust, no matter how easy it may be. never love no matter how perfect the person is. never give up your life for anyone, because then you will be left with nothing.

i hope nobody else ever has to go through this with you again.

get off the fucking drugs.

don’t contact my family or friends after this either. i hope you see this.

artandsexy: artandsexy.tumblr.com

Thu, 09 Aug 2012 15:33:22 +1000

artandsexy:

artandsexy.tumblr.com

you should post one now then ive always been curious to see what you look like lol

Thu, 09 Aug 2012 15:32:49 +1000

hahahahaha nah man my face would burn a hole in your screen :(

do you have any pictures of yourself on your tumblr

Thu, 09 Aug 2012 15:29:59 +1000

nah i think i posted one or two a while ago (like, maybe a year ago?) but i think i deleted them all.

nothingpersonaluk: ‘Fantôme Solitaire’ Idol Magazine...

Wed, 08 Aug 2012 22:55:09 +1000

nothingpersonaluk:

‘Fantôme Solitaire’ Idol Magazine Photographer: Aloísio Brito Make Up: Tinoca Hair Stylist: Juliana Lamares Model: Kátia Muller

5 fucking am start what is this nonsense!

Tue, 07 Aug 2012 06:13:29 +1000

5 fucking am start what is this nonsense!

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shilonen: Censored photos of World War I: the woman trying to...

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 19:54:44 +1000

shilonen:

Censored photos of World War I: the woman trying to convey anything from the German side by encrypting the message in the lace apron

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Mon, 06 Aug 2012 15:46:48 +1000

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AnOther F/W 2011Liu Wen by Sharif Hamza

Sun, 05 Aug 2012 15:13:23 +1000

AnOther F/W 2011
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somethingvain: alexander mcqueen s/s 2012, ‘cold summer’ by...

Sun, 05 Aug 2012 14:55:48 +1000

somethingvain:

alexander mcqueen s/s 2012, ‘cold summer’ by solve sundsbo for love magazine s/s 2012

i have never been so hungover and sick in my life.. now i have to work. KILL ME NOW.

Sun, 05 Aug 2012 09:52:23 +1000

i have never been so hungover and sick in my life.. now i have to work. KILL ME NOW.

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Sat, 04 Aug 2012 14:50:22 +1000

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Sat, 04 Aug 2012 08:50:09 +1000

rollthedrumss: Thom Browne Fall 2012 ROLL IT! | FB

Sat, 04 Aug 2012 08:19:45 +1000

rollthedrumss:

Thom Browne Fall 2012

ROLL IT! | FB